20050516

And They Call Me, 'Wormie'

I lost a boot. It’s the small things that really make you miserable. I mean, I could handle crashing my ship onto this forsaken mud hole of a planet. But did it really have to take my boot? You never realize how important sensible footwear is until it’s gone. I was lugging gear between my ship and camp when the mud makes a louder than normal sucking / slurping sound and I can’t move my left foot. I mean, mud up to the shins here and no way of getting my foot out.

So I lift out my foot and instantly lose my balance spilling my clean clothes and power converters into the ooze. Of course I put my foot down to regain my balance, and it goes right back into the mud.

That’s when I lost it. I mean, I wasn’t even sure what I was doing here, I was wasting my time. My ship had crashed and I couldn’t get it out, R2 had been eaten then thrown up, there was no one on the com, my friends were being hunted, Biggs was still dead, and now I lost my boot. It’s really more than any one person should have to deal with.

In an instant I was a whirlwind of burning, blazing fury. I was so desperately angry at my situation, at the mud, I threw my head back and screamed. I raged at the ground that stole my shoe.

The mud started to bubble and pop and splurt as if it were boiling. As I raged at it, burped and boiled, steam hissed and cracks started to appear in its surface as the moisture left it and it hardened around my boot. I was so taken aback that I stopped my exposition of raw fury at my situation and the dirty bank that had stolen my boot. The ground continued to hiss and steam for a moment then stopped. The mud was still surrounding my boot up to the shin but now it was the baked hard-pan of the Tatooine desert.

I think it’s like the thing I did with my light saber in the Wampa’s cave. I have no idea how I did that, I just know that I needed it and then, there it was in my hand. Only that took so much more effort. This time I was so angry and then, whaddya know, baking mud.

If only someone needed hard mud. “Luke’s Insta – Clay” 1001 uses. For mud, just add water. I’ll tell you, I beginning to think that Han had it right. A good blaster, some simple tricks, a fast ship and you’re set.

So I walk back to camp leaving the boot and the clothes and picking up the power converters, my sock getting wetter and nastier the closer to camp I get. My mood getting as black as the bottom of my left foot. So there I am, explaining what happened to R2 when this little green worm thing simply appears in a tree behind me. None of the perimeter beacons sounded, R2 didn’t even so much as give a “woot” in warning. Well I was in no mood to be friendly or understanding and I had my blaster out in an instant. That’s when the thing actually talked to me.

You’ve no idea how good it was to just hear another voice. I couldn’t really understand what it was saying, but it was definitely using words. Things went down hill from there. This thing waddled down from it’s tree perch and started rummaging through my equipment and food, and actually throwing it in the mud. I mean, What kind of intelligent life just goes around making a mess?

I tried engaging it in conversation, it answered with inanity. I told it to go away, it refused. I asked it for help going back to get my stuff; my clothes, my boot. The little beast thought it was funny; started mocking me. “Oooohhhh, cannot get your boot out” Then he laughed at me.

It continued to rummage through my things, tossing them all around until it found a pen light – a stinking pen light. The stink of it is, the little creep tossed out my picture of Biggs and Fixer and Camie and me. It’s ruined – I’ve uploaded a scan.

I could have blasted it then and there but then it drops the bomb. Not only could I understand what he was saying, he said the name: “Yoda, you seek Yoda.”

Then he went back to non-sense jabbering. Something about eating and “good food” though I have no idea how it could be hungry since it just polished off or threw out half my supplies. I decided, anyway to follow the little guy since, as of yet, it was the most advanced communication I’d received from anyone or anything on the planet. I sent R2 back for my things (and to dig out my boot) and keep an eye on things around camp, in case any more of these “little green men” show up.

And they call me “Wormie”, they should get a load of this guy.

23 Comments:

Anonymous Kohrak said...

Irony sense...tingling!

Sorry about your picture. At least the swamp did not also claim your awsome hat!

Use that coupon yet?

01:12  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See you in the cave.

-DV

01:20  
Anonymous Vork the Terrible said...

For now, I recommend that you go with the little guy. If worst comes to worst, he can extend your food supply for a couple days by becoming part of it.

Hey, don't look at me like that. Situations like this are about survival, right? Hope your emergency supply pack included some pepper.

12:44  
Anonymous vork the terrible said...

P.S. Don't let the little bugger catch you sprinkling pepper on him. Most creatures take offense to that. If he does catch you, make some kind of silly excuse, maybe tell him it's some kind of Jedi thing Obi-Wan taught you.

12:45  
Blogger L. Skywalker said...

Do you think that, if I sprinkle pepper on him, he wont be able to get away as fast? I mean, if the situation gets that bad?

L. Skywalker

17:15  
Blogger Comrade Kenny said...

I think it'll be much easier for the worm thing to turn you into food, than you it. For all you know, all the wackiness might a ruse to lure you into a false sense of security. Beware!

19:09  
Anonymous vork the terrible said...

Might slow him down if he starts sneezing. I was thinking of it purely from a taste perspective. Space worm isn't known fro being flavorful, but I don't know about the local variety there.

00:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

compare the number of comments your blog has compared to darth vader's.

HAH.

21:13  
Blogger kira_hibiki said...

Hey, if you look at the last post vertically, that guy has three "com"'s in a row! It's remarkably interesting...

Apologies about the boot, anyway.

15:01  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

I have sensed you in the force, young Skywalker. Perhaps you should rethink your career choices? When you and Yoda are done running around the swamp, lifting rocks, come and see me on Coruscant. I have a really cool trick I can do where I cook turkey with my fingers.

- Palps

19:04  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

UPDATE!!!!

19:36  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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21:44  
Blogger Han Solo said...

Han: Don't worry kid, I can sell anything. "Luke’s Insta–Clay" 1001 uses.
Luke: But it's only *clay*!
H: ONLY CLAY?! It's everything! It's...it's waterproof!
L: No it isn't!
H: All right, it's water resistant then!
L: It isn't!
H: All right, it's water absorbent! It's...Super Absorbent Clay! "ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SKYWALKER'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX CLAY DAUBS! AWAY WITH FLOODS!"
L: You just said it was waterproof!
H: "AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SKYWALKER'S INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!"
L: You're mad!

05:29  
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I invited everyone who has an e-mail adress in their profile to a star wars united site! It is where we can all share our thoughts! The site is Starwarsunited.blogspot.com (If you got an invite, ignore the following) If you dont have an e-mail adress, you can't join! Give me your e-mail adress if you want to join.

-Ti

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